Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
