Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
