Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
