I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
