Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
