a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
