how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
