id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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