i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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