There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
