Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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