I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize