i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
