you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
