youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
