Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
