I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
