I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
pray to the hookup gods
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize