i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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