Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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