he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
