Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
