If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
