can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
