I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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