How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
