Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
