i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was born a porn star she said
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
