I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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