my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
