bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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