I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
