It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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