do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
