You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
