Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
