Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
