Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
