My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
