I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
