he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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