After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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