The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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