u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
