I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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