I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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