Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
