I must be too annoying 4 u.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
