Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
