I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
