k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
