i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
