he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
