is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
