did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
