Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
