he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
