I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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