you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
