There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
