I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize