Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
vagina is talking i cant
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
