conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
