the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
