I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
