Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
